Twas the night before surgery and all through the house...

Kittens!!!!! Okay, I officially think that when you are diagnosed with breast cancer, they should hand you kittens. Because, even though I am not cancer free at the moment... I believe they are part of the cure.

More of them later... lots more since I will be nursing a sore boob and may or may not have lymph nodes when I wake up. Which brings me to this...


Just like they say, it's the not knowing that is scarier than shit. Cuz here's the thing. Before I knew, it worse waiting and not knowing. By the way, I snuck a look at the the ultra-sound and even though everyone was being wonderfully positive I knew the minute I saw it that it was not going to be good. That kind of thing does not look like it belongs in a body...

So, when my very young doctor teared up to tell me that I had breast cancer ( I honestly think I was like the third person she had to tell. She asked me if she could hug me) I had bucked up for anything. No matter what, can't be victim when it comes to anything dealing with cancer.

Once you know, You start to fight. You prep, if you are from production :) So now, the scary thing is not knowing how far it is in my body. My amazing docs seem hopeful it's stage one, but there is no way to tell until they go in there and take a lymph node out and test it.

So, will I wake up with lymph nodes or not? I'm betting yes, they will be clear and I will have all but one intact... You can all place bets with the boob bookie I'm sure.

What I learned today: balance. As much as I wanted to know everything about everything about fighting this, you need a day off from it. You need some normal. And you most definitely need kittens.

Besides, my fears have some fierce enemies. I have amazing friends who are health professionals that are giving me free massages, free chiropractic care, free acupunture. It's a whole new world to be in tune with my body again. It naturally hooks you up with yourself... mind, body and soul.

Kind of makes up for the lack of alcohol, red meat, coffee sugar (all bad for my ph...and cancer LOVES those thing. not saying I'm swearing off forever, especially since some of the food I eat now is like falling face down in the grass with your mouth open)...but for right now, the cancer needs to get the hell out of my body. Then we'll see about a Filet Mignon, wine and white chocolate dessert.

Starting tomorrow. With Bruce the boob surgeon. Oh, one more weird thing: I keep looking at my boob. It's weird how it's become almost this innocent part of myself that's been invaded and I feel like I need to protect it somehow. Tomorrow, it's in for a long day. I will be out cold, not dreaming... wait, do you dream when you are under? don't remember... if I do, I'm sure they will be crazy dreams.

Oh and tomorrow, if you know Meg, please send her a text of love since she has to sit there and wait ALL DAY...

And thank you all for the love and support. I send it back to you in abundance... but do me a favor, if you are next to someone turn to them, tell you love them and hug them. For me. Also, make out with them if that's appropriate. And then, because it's me talking, do a shot.

Okay, next time I'll give more tips on how not to be a cancer greenhouse. Or, maybe I'll just tell you about the KITTENS!!!


xoRobyn